10 spot lights shinning above me

I'm sick, sick of everything, I sound happy but you know I'm not. My eye's are all puffed up, I look so ugly. Not only does my eye's feel slightly heavier than any given normal day, but it the surrounding area of my eyes kinda hurts a little. I hate myself. I need to stop, somehow I wish someone would give me a tight slap across my face. Why am I so weak, why do I tear easily? 

I guess, in someways I can say I'm stronger than before. Its has been ages since I last cried till my eyes were like blue-black!.. wth like I was punched only. #&^@*#& errrgh!! but at least my heart only endured a tiny bit of pain. The more I think about it, the deeper the sharp end of a blade penetrates through my heart. The moment I step into the cab, I uttered the words BYE, he slammed the door shut and seconds later, tear pearls started sliding down like it was raining with thunder and lighting. The driver noticed, and kept silent for a few minutes. Then he tried to break the awkward sounds of my noisy asthmatic breathing.

It was nice, he comforted me and tried his hardest to make me smile. I did my best, but we both know its just the surface. Reached home, I rushed into my room and closed my door. It was past midnight, I'm guessing everyone was snoring the night away due to the long trip we made to Peak District and York. 

The first thing I grabbed was my tesco tissue box on my empty shelve. I blew my nose, try to bring myself to a calm state, then kneeled down and started pouring out beads again. I lay on the carpet floor, started to hum a few songs, and attempt to sing them out softly, as to not wake anyone up. The lyrics were in the lines of a series of questions to Jesus. I kept asking, why.. why me lord? why am I like this? why do I deserve the blessings that you've given me...etc

In that moment, my sole thoughts were just him. I started thinking about the exact words he used. It made me angry, I felt mad. But somehow I was partly to blamed, I was the one that demanded him to hurt me in front of me. Maybe its cause we both needed closure, but I needed it more. And the only cure to forget is to sharpen the dagger, before its leaves the holder's hands and right into his victim's love. I am almost aware of consequences, it had happen to me before, and I took all of the pain in and managed. 2 years past and I became a stronger person. Unfortunately this time, its different, I was blinded by the sight of his hands, bullshit right!!! oh gosh.. why am I such an addict, not even my fav pillow case can help me regain consciousness. But all of this for what?? since what's gone is gone... is it too late? perhaps..

I am desperate for some alcohol now to knock myself off.

I'm tired, I didn't sleep much. I don't think I have cried enough, but the thing is I don't wanna cry not because I can't but every time I wet my eyes, it hurts, literally. :'(

By Sillygirl, 

p.s. her ass feels the numbness already

No Strings Attached

Its hard to face the facts of life sometimes.
Like trying to break a cycle of routine.

How much more can I take, will I give them back?

Does it really belong to me in the first place?

I really need to be told, what is wanted from me.

You can't just leave me waiting. Look into my eyes and tell me. Don't shy away.

My dad alway says, there's no such thing as 'free lunch', people always want something in return. If this is true, tell me how could i have gotten my backstage pass, my limited anugerah era music awards ticket, helping my friends getting into a gareth gates concert standing front row, without even paying a cent.

Why is there luck, when I desperately needed one. Who is out there helping me?

Attraction

After almost a whole year, I finally found a potential someone in my life. Let me reminisce a bit about how I got to know him. It started with facebooking, it might be fate, but I was attracted to him in some way (his particular picture with a red background as far as I can recall). Then weeks later, I managed to watch some of his skills. And it was awesome to witness such an amazing act. While I was watching, I felt connected to the scene. Then later I realize how close he was to me. He somehow was always near me (neither one of us know each other back then, he probably thought I was some random girl, whom I guess he never notice). 

I guess the first time we looked into each other eyes, was when I was in my yellow PJs? I looked into his eyes, I definitely got his attention, words were nearly coming out from my mouth. Then finally he spoke, with attempt to break the soon to be awkward silence, unfortunately the funny thing was that his speech wasn't addressed to me. What a shame. I tried to break a smile, but he just looked right through me, like a was some ghost of christmas past. At that time, it wasn't lust or love or anything, just someone you feel that you've got the potential to be friends with. Sadly, being the anti-social one (seriously not my fault, just coz I missed one party invitation, man!) I never got to know my flat-mates back then.

Till today, I don't know exactly when or how I finally got to successfully got him to notice me. By the way, it wasn't planned or anything like that, it came naturally. I always feel a sense of comfort, and my heart melts for him. He's somehow always on my mind. And I love the fact that, he notices the little things I have or do. I wish to know him better. I need more than just my imagination.

With all my heart

M

Early bird? or Night Owl?

I WOKE UP EARLY TODAY!

I wouldn't call myself a morning person, but when I have to, I will get my ass up whether it rains or shine. Woke up at 7.30am, text a friend to wish him the best of luck for his exam, then dose off for a half hour and then changed and made breakfast. Everything went perfectly well, EXCEPT for that my WHOLE BODY is aching. 

Shoulders, back, hips, thighs, neck... I couldn't even walk straight once I got off my bed. Yea-la, serve me right for not doing exercise regularly. Man, its been years and YEARS since I last played badminton. I wouldn't dare brag, but I was preety good ..... >>> at running around trying smack the plastic shuttlecock. Oh god, I only hope it won't be too bad tomorrow. Hmm better apply some counter pain...damn why didn't I thought of this earlier... 

Signing off

Night Owl (but early bird wannabe) xxx

Why going to the GYM is a WASTE of time?

Two years back, my mum and I decided we should start working out, for health purposes. She signed us up for the annual membership at this gym..(what's its called again uh.. oh yea TRUE FITNESS). It was fun for the first few weeks, we were all PUMPED up .. Excited and all tht..

See it was new and they had YOGA, modern dance, indian dance.. u name it. all the type of classes available for its regulars. I normally spend 45 minutes of what I call INTENSE work out (I had a temp trainer then) we did mostly warm up > cycling for 10 minutes then running (another 10min) then started to work on my abs. 

Here's the thing, I'm not being oxymoronic but 

>I am nearly underweight (need to gain about 5kg)

>BUT I'm also an obese

I don't like explaining this actually, but I'm serious. (can't tell u why, go ask a fitness instructor)

To me, going to the gym, is the only place where I have complete right to show off my "sexy" body, meet fit hunks, get to sweat A LOT..(trust me> do dancing or hot yoga), then after that I'd be having some freshly squeeze juice.. rest for a while.. then have a fast shower.. then wrap my silky wet body in a towel and off into the STEAM room, where I normally meditate while having applied hair mask on my Voluminous hair. Then after about 10min-ish I'd take a full shower, then probably doing some serious blowing.. then straight home.

This is what I call a full work out. Unfortunately I'm no longer living in Malaysia. Here at Warwick, we have a sports centre. Yea-la they do have a gym.. but I just feel its a complete waste of time lor...WHY?

1. I'm living off-campus, so 10min walk to bus stand, i give it 5-15min waiting for the bus, then a 10min bus ride (non-peak hours) and at least 2 minute walk to the gym.. this is like what 30mins????

2. There are no steam bath whatsoever

3. From what my housemates says (gym so called "regulars"?) incomplete equipment, but I still don't get their drive to even attempt to go. Btw they seem only do cycling and "running" on the treadmill and boat rowing. This is called warm up actually. If I were to even wanna get my ass out of bed in the weekend I expect some abs targeted machine or a gym ball would be enough.

4. What about the time spent to get home>>>???

Clearly they (my housemates) have their reasons, whatever they may be. BEST OF LUCK TO 'em.

I prefer playing badminton (hell this is one game, that keeps u running and a lot of laughing> the best part is, u spend 1hour playing> keep sweating> and u dont feel tired AT ALL. But thats totally contradictory once you reach home, for people like me who don't exercise AT ALL, finds it really uncomfortable a.k.a "aching" once I step into my abode. 

yea.. I was tired and all.. but the weather was really nice, and I decided to do some jogging around the Prince of Wales.. ran jogged and then ran again for a complete 25mins x 2 minutes, I took about 5mins intermission to appreciate the wonderful greenery ahead of me. It was peaceful, really peaceful. :P will do that again soon  xxx

Why I'm such a night owl

I don't think sleeping nocturnal hours is a problem actually. See, in my last post, i wrote that I'd wake up at half past 7 in the morning and join my friends to do some exercise.

The thing is, I slept at 530 am, so 2 hours of sleep? YEA I... ended up waking up at noon.. (I admit not sticking to our gym date).. come on la.. there was NO SUN.. so basically not totally my fault OK...

The first thing I did was to make wantons with pork n spring onions filling... 

RESULT: not as tasty as I expected.. should have pinch in some salt.. but edible la!

Then after frying them (about 45 pieces) I decided to get some CLIF cleaning thing.. to wash up the stove..  (yea 79pence was worth every penny.. I successfully got rid of the burnt stains..)

now I feel like watching a movie and some sweet popcorn now..

but before that I need to draw up a plan, SEE I'm REDESIGNING MY ROOM!! WHY??!!

=

coz Vonne SPA-ed up hers, and all of the sudden I'm a GREEN EYED monster.. I don't care lor, she can make it so nice nice.. I ALSO WAN.. xxx

the end of WEEK8 term2

Mel is tired, but she doesn't want to sleep js yet.

So she's gonna do a lil update at 3am js to kill the time.

Today was quite a day, I slept about 9 hours give or take, which probably explains why I can't find it hard to lay my ass on my royal bed. Here's a brief summary of today:

around 11ish?- heard a very LOUD door bell electrocuting itself

12somethin- had cereal and semi skimmed milk for brunch

half past 12-  

settle my 1st rent payment for the coming academic yr (bloody basket, i waited 30-40min coz there were 10 cov uni studs bitchin about their contract and stuff -  but the wait was worthwhile, i should really thank the "old" lady for keeping them there.... why? becoz a few of them were HOT!... yea they were buff tall and eye-catching ...hahah > desperate me..)

1.45?- bought a quarter pounder with CHEESE baby.. 

2ish- munchin on my BURGER>>> oh yea... while walkin to the nearest 12 bus stop to get to school

3-4- had macro lecture at ms02

4-6- wasting 12mins procrastinating about making EGG TARTS with gary von val dawoon... finally ending up at maudslay pub (a minute walk from our POW)

6-15 to 9pm-  

eating --- bitching ---- laughing ---- nab trying to capture MEL's version of man/donkey

screaming opera --- me wasted 5minutes of my life day dreaming of "colin farrell" and STARing in a play with him 

9pm-  walking home with our tesco's groceries (exercise weights)

9.03pm- reached destination...yea we're FULL hence, it took us 3 times longer to get back

 

10-2am- had evon's green tea.. crashed in Mel's room for a bit listening to some CRAZY music.. then checking out the korean girl next door (apparently von's a expert at spotting braless chicks... she can "spot" 2 tone panties as well)... went to Von's SPA theme room.. attempted to watch 2 girls and 1 cup.. but ended up watching something else...

3.33-  needs her beauty rest.. she needs to wake up in 4hours.. head to the gym to tone up my 5months baby belly

xxxxxx