My dream

This morning when I opened my eyes, all while wrapping my arms around my cream coloured bolster, my soft comfy bed so cosy and warmed up...

I released a smile, a very sweet one. It was the dream I had last night, a wonderful one.

But only if it were to come true.

I can't seem to recall back the entire details but here's the gist:

On my birthday, someone sent me 3 presents, it was around 10am,

I was in my bra and panties still on my bed, suddenly someone knocked and rang the bell, I hurriedly rushed out of bed while grabbing the nearest cloth i have, covering my body with a white shirt midway heading to the door..

     "Morning dear" he said "Morning, can I help?" I said.

"Yes darling, would you kindly sign here to receive your package, Miss Melanie is it?"

M: Here you go, thank you

Delivery man: Have a nice day, bye!

I was excited yet doubtful, I've forgotten what the day was, I was curious and asked my self

what is it? who is it from?

I brought it to my room and hurriedly open one of them.

The first gift was a big soft snowy white teddy, there was a necklace around his chubby neck.

The next was a birthday card, I can't remember the contents but it made me shed a few tears. It was a letter of apology.

And lastly a home-made cd, of a few romantic song he sang with his guitar.

I know its a but early to think of something in the future. But I just felt like jotting down every nice dream I had.

xoxo mel is so not turning 20 next month!! I'm going to be oooooooooLD LOL :0 winkwink

ah Mel's Nails b4 UK

Here's some pic of my nails before coming to UK.

It lasted for ONE MONTH, then I had to soak it off. Its called french sculpture nail extention, with a dash of folk art. It took approx. 3hours max to complete the whole procedure.

And in Nail Affairs, Malaysia they'd charge RM330 inclusive of manicure with O.P.I. Avojuice treatment.

RM250 for french sculpture +

RM80 for the folk art

Basically the 3 pictures here are taken after 21days, therefore some of the nail art has slowly vanished. But you get the picture! 

So well I did my left hand, and my colleague did the other, since I'm not good with folk art using my left hand so ah hong helped. 

 

the thing about Marriage

There was one day, when I was working in Nail Affairs. I was bored, it was a lonely day. I asked: Qiada are u a virgin?, i mean if u don't mind me asking?. At first, she said why? Why you ask lah Ah mel? 

Mel: Uh, if its too personal I apologize. But, I'm just curious lah.

Q: (smiling shyly) You leh, are u still a virgin?

M: Eh donkey, i asked u first ma.......yea I am. I only wanna lose it after my marriage.

Q: Yea I am. 

[What the bullshit, Qiada LIED to me, she wasn't a virgin, I only came to find out after 8 months. Well I dont blame her, as sensitive issues like this are not to be messed around with people u've only known for less than days. So i guess i understand why she didn't want to be open with me]

After 8 months...

M: Hi Qiada, how are u lately? Mum told me about your new bf. This new guy damn social and nice hor?

Q: Ya, then you leh? I'm sure u got stories for me to hear hor. Just came back from YING KOK.

M: No lah, i dont have any. No body also like me leh. And I wasn't desperate to find for one js yet.

Q: Ya meh? who is tht in ur mobile phone then?? huh? The one on ur wallpaper. Chinese? UK?

M: No lah, wht the freaks man, u curi tengok my mob?

Q: Eh, shop phone mah, how i know is urs ah? Besides, both our phones are the same mah.

M: Yealah yealah, excuses.. Yea i kept him in my hp for quite some time now. He made me calm down during my examination period. Everytime i see him, instead of facing four walls, it calms and helps me breath.

Q: Oh, not bad uh ur taste.

M: Eh dont run away from the question here. How's Ricky? Seems tht he damn nice guy hor, everyday waiting for u, fetch u home. Nice bf u've got there. Although not as good looking as ur ex lah, but very well mannered.

Q:oh, not everyday. Just Wednesday n weekends.

M: So, when am i getting the wedding invite? Btw, how old would it be right to get married?

Q: Def not now, maybe when i'm 26 or when we're both doing ok.

M: Huh? But u slept with him already? Isn't tht enough? Your both in love already right, so u've found each other, why wait somemore?

Q: Coz i dont want him to change after we get married. Anyway getting married has nothing to do with sex ok dear.

You dont have to get married just because u've js been ****ed ok.

M: Er? WHAT? huh? exxxxcuse me???!!

Q: Yalar, u wanna get married, for what? because of LOVE u say? No NO NO... getting married is js like getting a cert. And do u know why u want the cert? Because your baby will then have a proper name. Understand? 

M: Um, oh gosh. Well? I havent thought about it tht way. I guess it makes sense?

Q: Somemore what? Loving someone, sexing someone, marrying someone. Is really not the same thing.

M: But wht about our conservative culture? huh? I was brought up quite strictly. And I dont think i can ever sleep with someone js like that w/o marrying him.

Q: At first i was also like u...... Mel, if u wanna find someone, or even b4 even thinking of marrying him, think of urself first. U need to stand on ur own two feet. Being dependent on some guy isn't worth it lah mel.

M: I know, i guess ur right.

SO what is it? Getting married?

=Before this, I wish to marry a rich guy, smart, good looking, taller than me, strong, active in sports. The one tht can sayang me, cherish me, buy me things, surprise me. Hold my hand as often as he can. Become a "tai tai'', spend his money on luxuries, having 3 kids with him, living together w/o our parents anywhere nearby. His job by profession must be in the area of business, marketing, engineering, director. I guess this can go on and on and on.

But now I'm starting to think, what do i really want? 

Nothing actually. There is no reason to love someone, you just do.

I can't solve this mystery right now, perhaps Loving someone is a mystery.

Mel

A summer fling story

my subjects:-

baby

lord marcus

ming

gy dar

and last but not least Melair a.k.a me

It started with a playful young girl, who likes to have some fun, too much fun, she was given too much freedom. Most of the things that strike her mind was adventure, boldness, intimacy, a rush of passion all coming at once. 

One day, Mel was introduced to a girl, her name was Aly, they both had amazing conversation through skype. Well I have nvr thought I'd ever have so much to talk to a girl/stranger whom i've js met??!! But it was liberating, i didn't share much of my personal details, all i did was chatted like any two best gf's would when they'd met each other.

She told me about, the amazing sex, i think, she had with a guy when she was in KL. And all tht i was thinking was "oh yea yea, some bloke, selling mobiles in low yat plaza'' not tht i was interested at all, as sexual flings are not uncommon, and there's nothing new tht i should be interested of. WHY? most frens i know hav supposedly lost their virginity. BS ok i have to say, i'm a lil jealous.

So Mel knew baby through aly, he was a perfect stranger, one of a kind i have to say, polite, sweet, friendly, very patient, good english, I have to say u dont find this type of ppl v.often huh.

Since he was well spoken of, and nicked as a great person in pleasuring ppl, i was hooked n wanted to be nosy to find out more. I mean what have i got to lose right?

In weeks I developed a desire for baby, the magnetic force tht pulled me to believe tht he was the ONE. I nvr admitted my strong feeling for him, because all i know is tht i could be fooled, yea js like tht. The thought of having the perfect husband or the perfect scam, really drove me into a huge dilemma. I may have almost lost my mind, because of all the stress i've created for myself. And at one point, i felt mad about myself, in reality he was js an illusion i created to purely satisfy myself. And as of this moment, my heart still has this cloud covering my vision, the tears i pearled up everytime i think of baby truely cuts me unintentionally. I need to get it out, i wish i nvr knew such person, because its not worth thinking about someone u wouldn't be allowed to met in public.

 

Lets move on the marc, when i first layed my eye on him, i found him attractive by his looks, no, not the look the u wanna rip your clothes off and jump into bed. But the type tht made u feel secure comfortable happy. I nvr really thought of him as a future lover or anything like tht, he was like a brother or a close kin. to me, he was a kid, someone younger, someone tht i wanna be close to. And my feelings grew, i did had sexual fantasies about him. But he wasn't the one who fancies me very much. There's few things tht i've secretly done for him, js to clear his name. I should have realised it sooner tht he has nothing for me. Since young I've always wanted tht surname ---. I guess he was js a substitute, something close to sigmund freud's theory.

I wanna start with gy now, it was shocking when he first told me he is gy. This is the first stranger i've kept on my messenger, n till now he's still on my active list. It was surreal to me, i dont know why i still keep him as a friend. And i dont know out of the millions of girls, he choose to talk to me. Its preety embarassing actually, but he knows something about me and my lips a sealed.  I think, no offence though, but if i havent found the right guy, i'd settled for him. He doesn't have a face like chuck bass, but he's definately someone i would have a simple life with. As long as he is faithful and doesn't sleep around i'm pleased, n ever thought i might nvr hav a chance to give my whole heart to him, but i guess i could live with it. Like i said, simple.

Here's a guy that I wanna talk more about. He is like Prince Char'ming', the only thing missing is tht he is not rich. He lives a very simple life, a christian, and friendly. He is not gorgeous or anything. So basically money and looks isn't everything. I have cared for him, I can't say whether i'm in love or i've found someone so generous to me. It started when i fetch annie to the "police dent'', we waited for half an hour till he came down the stairs. Not only he got us waiting but, he spoke chinese to my dad man!!! i was like wtf, i cant even utter a whole line but he can??? Oh great i'm such a chinese right. anyway, from our first in the dark meeting, he said tht he had fallen for me. Just like tht??! i meant like WTH??!!! are u fudging with me or what? So i gave him my number, and ever since he'd send me smses which were weird at first but then i thought, it was really sweet of him to think of me like tht.

I can't say whether its his culture or where he came from but, every conversation we had was like two lovebirds destined for each other. Unfortunately, the reason i played along was cause i needed to have some air. Like this, it was literally driving me nuts thinking about something i thought i had but nvr arrived. So yeah, i told him, we could stay and talk but i will only treat u as a frens, however much feelings u think u have for me. And then from the moment onwards, he showered me with a smile every morning, calling me his sunshine. Its a bit too loveydovey, but he truly has a heart of gold. We never had touch on the subject of intimacy or sex as u call it. It was purely trying to make one another happy WITHOUT any physical relationship in between.

As things go on for a few months, it gotten serious, FOR HIM!...he thought tht i had the same feeling towards him because of the way i'm treating him, his cousins. And i guess my family played a part in it too, they loved and respected how my family treated them. I guess at one point it became preety scary because, receiving 6-7 smses during a bad day isn't something u'd be head over heels of. In fact its kinda abit like STALKING?! But i never thought anything like would be serious, i'm sure he'd surely get my drift right?, tht i'm js being friendly. And its a win-win right, both of us would be happy?? Till one day, i left Malaysia, then after i've settled into my new home, i messaged Ming. He replied alot and even tried to get me on the line to talk to me in the middle of the night. He wanted to marry me? the words MARRY isn't something u'd wanna play with ok. It literally drove me to think, was i too harsh? was i too open? was i leading him to think tht i'm the one for him??

Proposing to someone thousands of miles away isn't something u'd expect to hear. And tht was the point, i had to confront him. I guess I may have broke his heart for what i said. But it was amazing to have someone like him in my life. The true fact is tht i may have someone in my heart, and i may probably not have gotten over him. 

But as we all know, the only thing tht'll heal u is time.

And time will be my medicine for giving too much to early.

your one and only

Melair

a personal thought

i've been lazing for awhile now since my last post, 

just reached uk a few days ago, you know the funny thing is? i first came here with 3 luggages.

Now i need 15 luggages just to shift into my new abode. And i can't help, but fell insecure and scared when i first slept with the Prince of Wales!! it was dark, only one small 4owatt yellowish light bulb for each area of the hse. Hah wth a night, petrified, imagine lah...no internet, no tele, nothing.. no scenery. its truly a silent night hmm..:"( i wanted mummy

You see it preety much a change of the environment for me, back then i used to live in a flat w/ 24 hr security, each n every area was lighted up bright and joly, like a hotel. Now its like having candle light dinner 24/7, not tht i'm complaining, i love the new place, its bigger big, and has its own barbeque pit in the backyard, one of the BEST neighbours i've ever encountered, so what more can i ask for. Compared to my ex-teen neighbours smoking weed and partying all night long jumping around like wild animals..the booze and everything.. lol

well let me reminisce about something i js cant stop thinking about, when i was bck in msia, supposedly having my "summer hols" yea right... 

So here goes, malaysia.. nothing much changed, i was bck to my old self, quite, looking at sophie w/o even looking at her in the eye n headed straight to the bck office and sat there. Quickly reading the procedure book, searching up the net about the latest skin products. Said couple of HI's and how are u, but i was too (i dont know shy or js scared). Anyway i called in the new worker, she's frm Myanmar. Talk to her about wht to do and how is she, as it was our first meeting.

You see my indon worker ran away, which was one of the reasons i HAD to go back and help out. She was Hestin, i can't believe i entrusted her to handle the whole business since i left. I remember she came with nothing, js a young shy girl. I trained her frm scratch man, for 3whole months. I told my boss, tht i wanted her to be the manager of the shop while i'm not around, handling the book records, clientele profiles, stock inventories, actually i handed the whole shop to her. And how did she repay me? ran away and stole 1k frm my baby sis??!! wtf

Actually i see real potential in her, the way she handled our clients really deserve my praise. You know lah, most customers prefer chinese than indon workers. Thats a FACT man. But knowing Hestin, my mum n dad gave well too much encouragement, she became confident, she handled "biased'' customers n then she had her own loyal customers, who only wanted her. But then i was too blame too, i didnt train a.k.a brainwash her properly. I introduce a no rank/position scheme, which basically means me, hestin n sophie are all equal. There was no one ''bigger'' i treated all as equal. Easily said than done man, few weeks after i left, conflicts, bullying, bitching started...blablaabla...and all tht girl jealousy stuff was thrown out bare for everyone to see..

Macam mana saya nak handle lah, i'm like in UK man!

Lets cut it short, now i have 4 very hardworking friends, helping out. When i was in msia, though i didn't get paid a cent, no holidays, but it was a hell of a summer vacation for me, getting to know sophie, jane, mimi n annie better. also not to forget aa miing who is truly a --------person LOL

yours sincerely

ah mel

nx on Gear!ng the SouL,

the revealing of the few ppl i had in MIND

(names will b edited for personal reasons, saying this U'll knw if its U)